Out of the Mouths of Babes

First thing Sydney asked when climbing into the car was "How many days until the babies get here?". I told her that they weren't coming, they passed away, I was sorry and we don't know why it happened. First thing she said was..."awww. You can't do it, can you?"

Fuck me.

I felt like my heart stopped. Maybe I can't do it. Maybe something is wrong with me. And yet, I never miscarry...this old ute holds on to the failing pregnancies no matter what. Doesn't that mean something????

The Mister told her it wasn't me, it was that the babies weren't ready to be born and sometimes that happens.

He later told me not to let it bother me about what she said, "She not a doctor, she's 7."

We went on with our evening, eating dinner at a Cajun place because I needed to eat some shrimp. The Mister's suggestion since it always induces a gastro intestinal disturbance in me and I was constipated from the medicines and surgery. Syd got her hair trimmed, at her request, at a cute place called "Sweet and Sassy". Then we went to see "Where the Wild Things Are".

I cried hard in the movie. It was dark, I was quiet. As good a place as any. Children everywhere...here in the south I'm surrounded by breeders. It was a children's movie what did I expect? It was hard.

On the car ride home I cried some more. Shitballs.

From the back seat Syd put her hands on my shoulders and patted me. This time she said, "You almost did it. You got half way...well almost half way, your belly wasn't so big yet. Next time you can do it and go all the way; like my teachers Miss Haley and Miss Woodward."

Yeah. Maybe next time I can go all the way.