The Mister doesn't appear to have lost his but I certainly have misplaced mine.
Is it smart to do this again? What if I'm killing my babies? What will people think? They are spending too much money to have a family of their own. Do the people who think this have kids so it's easy for them to say? Do they know how it feels to have a hole in your heart?
Let's break it down:
- Is it smart to do this again? We have two blasts on ice waiting for us and opportunities abroad if necessary. Define "smart".
- What if I'm killing my babies? Get tested now for everything under the sun. I will not wait for a third miscarriage as is the typical guidance for attempting to diagnose a problem. Re-check everything. Look at everything. Ask the stupid questions to eliminate this fucking question forever.
- What will people think? I can't give this any energy. Unless they've walked in our shoes, they have no business having an opinion one way or another.....must let it go. For anyone who thinks they have an opinion: How much would you have paid for your child? How many times would you have tried until you got them? If it's so easy, pass 'em over here to me...I'll even pay you.
Feeling hopeless sucks donkey balls. I would feel like a fool if I had any hope today. I just got shat upon....why would I have hope? What the hell is the point of hope when it disappears so quickly?
And yet I see glimpses of it, in my periphery; then my gut takes a hit, my heart stops and it's gone.
I gotta find it and hold on to it. I'm looking everywhere. I know it's out there somewhere. Maybe it's hanging out with our future baby....
5 comments:
My doc tested me after my first m/c for the gamut of miscarriage testing, yours was so far along that surely they should have some more information. And yes, DO NOT CARE what people think. They do not live your life. They will not care for your baby or be there to replace the scar on your heart by what you lost and waht you want.
Who cares what people think?!?! This isn't about them, this about you and Robb doing what is right for YOUR family. Your real friends are going to be the ones who love you and support you no matter what you choose to do. I think the testing might not be a bad idea, however, I've never been in your position. Do what feels right in your heart. Love you girl!!! ♥♥♥
ann, you are in a tough spot but you are an unusually strong person. i don't have any advice, but to stay with your true feelings and wait for good intuition to come. it might be a little soon to know which way to turn. i know you won't be swayed by what other people think. we are completely and utterly behind you. this part of your journey won't last forever. i am praying for you to find your guidance. lots of love and hugs.
The good news is that hope will find you, you won't have to look for it.
I've run the gamut of failed IUIs and IVF, 2 surprise pregnancies, and 2 miscarriages, only to adopt the most perfect baby boy for us.
I've been in the hope-is-gone,-never-to-return place more times than I care to admit. And somehow it always returned without having to do a thing.
I'm sure some people are able to go out and find hope on their own, but I wanted you to know that it is possible for hope to find you as well.
Take care of yourself (and your darling Mister) and make no apologies during these tough days. And finally, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this at all. Breaks my heart . . .
Ann~You should definitely be tested for the Recurrent Miscarriage Evaluation/Coagulation Panel
Which include:Includes: Prothrombin Gene Analysis *; Antithrombin III Activity; Homocysteine (Cardiovascular); Cardiolipin Antibodies IgG, IgM, IgA; B2-Glycoprotein Antibodies IgG, IgM, IgA; Protein S, Free; Prolonged aPTT Thrombotic Evaluation; Protein C Activity; Phosphatidylserine.
Most important to make sure you have none of these issues.
Don't Mind yourself with the thoughts of Ignorant people. They have no Idea about this.
Hold on to that Faith..I know you have it. I have had a long Hard Journey of over 6 years to get this far. 10 Losses and Every Test under the sun!!...You will Have your Miracle!!
Love to you and your Mister!!
xoxox
Dee
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