Just Waiting...

That's what I'm doing. Going forward with the daily grind housework, job, healing and waiting.
We wait to see what the results are from all of the blood work and see what are the next steps until the FET (frozen embryo transfer).

Yesterday I went to the OB/GYN for my post op visit. Nothing exciting. She's not surprised I'm still spotting. She said I bled heavily because I was farther along and there were two of them. She apparently had to work pretty hard to remove all the stuff. Cervix is still open slightly. She took a urine pregnancy test to ensure it's negative or close to it. I didn't have to wait around to hear the result. If I get a call from the office they'll ask me to take a HPT (home pg test) in a few weeks to confirm a negative result. God, I hope I don't have to do that. It's one of the ways they ensure there's nothing left over inside along with no bleeding, fever, chills, etc. Bah. I hate this.

I walked out and cried a little. I should have been 16 weeks along, not going in to check on my D&C. I briefly contemplated getting a new doctor. Not for any other reason than the office reminds me of losses. Then I felt guilty for thinking that and thought to myself that Dr. D deserves to see me succeed. How weird that I want to make her happy too and felt guilty that she has to keep telling me how sorry she is for us. For my own sanity, I'm going talk to the RE and see if he'll will suggest that I go to a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist just to consult at the beginning. There's no real reason to do this except for my own sanity. I don't even know if it's reasonable but.... That's how I feel today, we'll see what tomorrow brings.

It's A Habit

It dawned on me this morning that being pregnant was my new habit. And a great new habit it was!

It helps for me to realize that not only do I miss them, I'm wandering around feeling lost because I'm just not pregnant any more. Such a weird feeling not knowing what to do with yourself. No doctors appointments, no waiting to feel them move, no rubbing of the belly....nothing left but wondering when the spotting will stop. Hopefully it will be done by the time I go to the Dr on Wednesday.

Today I'm doing almost 2 weeks of laundry. I'm not crying when folding the maternity clothes that had the tags removed and were sitting in the dryer since that dreadful day. I'll put them high up on a shelf in our closet for next time.

Because there will be a next time...Maybe one of those little snow babies will become Baby John, the little guy The Mister dreamt about.